


If Only

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-07-05
Updated: 2001-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-20 20:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11342814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Krycek musing about his live and Mulder and what could have been





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

If Only by Gwendolen

Title: If Only  
Author: Gwendolen   
Disclamer: The song 'Turn Back Time' belongs to Aqua and was great inspiration The characters unfortunately belong to CC who doesn't know what to do with them. I'm all for a divorce based on character-mistreatment  
Archive: GSSU, RatB, DitB, Nesting Place, Ckos  
Pairing: M/K  
Rating: uh, PG-13?  
Spoilers: for all Krycek-eps up to Tungska/Terma  
Summary: Krycek musing about his live and Mulder and what could have been  
Beta: as always Katja :-)  
Note: First published in Indecent eXposure from IIBNF-Press

* * *

If Only  
by Gwendolen

//If only I could turn back time. //

I can't get this song out of my head. I don't remember where I heard it or what the group was called but it describes my situation so perfectly.

//If only I could turn back time.//

Yes, if only I could. What would I have done differently?

So many opportunities where I took the wrong path, made the wrong choice.

//If only I could turn back time. //

What would I do? Where would I begin? What would I change?

The day my father introduced me to the men he worked for? The day I agreed to work for them in exchange for my tuition? The day I was send to spy on him? The day I met him?

I guess back then it was already too late, I was in too deep. But still, things could have gone different. This whole mess with Scully was so unnecessary and in the end it blew my cover. Now, if they hadn't taken Scully, if I had stayed Mulder's partner, if he'd begun to trust me, to believe in me how much would have been different? Where would we be now?

Mulder was already on his way to accept me, to trust me and to see me as his partner. And it could have been so much more. I could see it in his eyes when he thought I wasn't watching, wasn't noticing. He was buying this sweet, adoring new-partner-routine and by then I was more than willing to be whatever he wanted me to be.

//If only I could turn back time.//

What would have happened if I had told him everything? Mulder wants the truth but can he live with it? How would he react if he learned the truth, the truth as I know it? Of course Mulder never quite understood that the truth like everything else is relative and subjective. The truth! The truth as Mulder sees it doesn't exist. Could he live with my truth? Or any version of my truth?

I tried to show it to him which brought us to Tunguska and cost me an arm.

//If only I could turn back time.//

Turn back time, yes that would be definitely a point where I would do that and try a different approach. Loosing my arm was not something I'd planned. That just shows that whatever intelligence I possess deserts me when I'm with Mulder.

Mulder. Maybe I should go back to a time before I knew him, knew of him.

Back then I knew what I wanted and I knew how to get it. I was on my way up the ladder to power and influence and everything seemed possible. Until I was given a file about one Fox William Mulder.

//If only I could turn back time. //

~ End ~

  
Archived: May 27, 2001 


End file.
